Rambo: First Blood

When I first heard about Rambo: First Blood, I thought it was sex education video about a 12 year old girl having her first period.

I was obviously wrong.

But I’ve been wrong or should I say misguided about a lot of things.

Take Fox Soccer Channel’s hype over the match between LA Galaxy and Chivas USA or the “Super Classico” as Fox likes to put it. Watching the advert on TV, I see images of men falling over dramatically after being tackled or players squaring up to each other as if they are in WWF. Then, there is Landon Donovan, who they juxtapose with images of Star Wars type lasers when ever he shoots. By this stage, I am in a trance. Fox Soccer Channel has hypnotized me into believing all the wank that comes with the MLS Super Classico. A game that rivals the REAL Super Classico of Real Madrid verses Barcelona.

I was obviously misguided by Fox. It was another Rambo moment in my life.

Let’s keep things real.

LA Galaxy verses Chivas USA is not a Super Classico. It’s a derby at best.

Chivas USA are a knock-off/ sister club to the real Chivas in Mexico.

Hyping up Landon Donovan is a bad move. He’s not a bad ass. He’s not soccer’s Kobe Bryant. He’s not a Galactico. In fact, he’s not that great at football.

What Donovan is, is a Bundesliga failure and a glorified penalty taker. He has nice college boy looks who runs tirelessly for his teams but ultimately he’s an over hyped pile of shit.

Fuckoff Landon.

What saves Fox Soccer Channel is the Sky Sports News presenters. Enter Millie Clode – a fit, busty blonde with a smile that says let’s spend a week together locked away in a hotel room with a box of high quality vodka and a bag of weed. Yeah, she’s that hot. My mate in New York quickly texts me. Why? Because of what Millie said:

Millie: “In today’s pre-season friendlies Bournmouth come from behind to beat Southampton 2-1.”

Text from NYC: “I would come from behind, if Mille was bending over, naked and looking at me with that smile.”

Millie, we salute you.


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