So far this week we have discovered certain truths.

Billy Mays, the King of Oxyclean, died of a drug overdose.

So did Michael Jackson, except the death of the King of Pop is being treated as murder.

Arsenal qualified for the Champions League group stages. This means that a large chunk of money will be coming their way, which could be spent on new players. According to some wank called Myles, Arsene Wenger can only buy players once qualification to the Champions League group stages had been secured.

According to my penis Myles, I am going to wank tonight. The missus is blowing up like a live volcano and lava is flowing from you know where. What would you do Myles, spend 8 million on Matuidi or just say fuck it and stick in the lava?

Matuidi could provide the defensive cover that my cock is looking for as it battles with Mother Nature to get three points. 8 million is a lot of money for an unknown condom from St Etienne, who has never experienced Premiership rumps.

But why am I asking you Myles? You were never a player – either on the pitch or off it. Hanging up my boots when it came to women was hard. Not a day goes by when I wonder what its like to have Arsenal’s Champions League money and to go back into the transfer market.

But Myles, that’s another story. You see, I don’t have your inside knowledge. I can’t write books like you. I’m just another average Mother F who supports Arsenal passionately.

However, I find you Myles blasphemous to my club and religion: Arsenal Football Club.

In life, some of us have ambitions or goals. I didn’t have any until I came across you. Meeting you one to one would be a lifetime goal. Bring your snotty, politically correct kids along to watch, because it will be more entertaining than watching your favorite teams Manchester United and Chelsea

You’re not an Arsenal fan Myles.

You’re a fraud.

My day with you will come.

Keep it Arsenal


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