An Afternoon Spent With The Negatives

Watching Arsenal on a computer can be painful. The size of the picture can be small – the dimension of a matchbox – while the live web stream can be awful. You may have to resort to using other alternatives to follow Arsenal. One is getting live updates via certain websites. Another is getting your friend to text you updates. Yesterday, I resorted to the former.

I went on an a certain Arsenal message board to get my fix. This is how it went:

2 minutes before kick-off. SOLMAN comments on our rookie keeper starting:
“Mannone is shit. I watched him against Atletico Madrid in The Emirates Cup. He makes Paul Robinson look world class. I’m fucking worried. Surely, we have someone better than that cunt.”

The game kicks off. ROO writes:
“Mannone in goal. Shock/horror.”

Standard Liege 1-0 Arsenal. Boulder-I Kissed Our Gael and I Liked It, writes, after Eduardo’s back-heel sets up Mangala’s goal:
“Should have banned that cheating cunt.”

Billy Goat Mates concurs:
“Wishing he (Eduardo) was banned now.”

Arse-n-all adds:
“What a fucking shocking start. Shit play Eduardo!!”

Standard Liege then win a penalty. Arse-n-all, reports:
“More shit fuck-up play. Gallas and Eboue. Fucking penalty now! Eboue is a cunt for giving the ball away on the half-way line.”

But, Boulder-I Kissed Our Gael and I Liked It, instead decides to target Eduardo and not Eboue:
“How overrated is Eduardo?”

But Eboue, the ire of most Negatives, is later attacked by 2020 Championship Tipster, who writes:
“Eboue, Stop getting dragged into the middle you dozy cunt!”

Arse-n-all, however, must have only been watching Arsenal for a few weeks because he states:
“This is the worst 20 minutes of Arsenal that I have seen in a long time.”

“Sack Wenger at half-time,” writes The Tony C.

“Wigan must be licking their lips,” comments the positive IU4G – Orbital Gigs Soon.

“Diaby is playing proper wank,” claims the observant Billy Goat Mates.

But Diaby isn’t the only player having a bad game according to Bhajji is Back, who asks a similar question posted earlier by Boulder-I Kissed Our Gael and I Liked It:
“How shit is Eduardo?”

But then you know things are bad when the target of The Negatives attack suddenly becomes the coaching staff. MountainCamp-Optimistic Ostrich writes as the score remains 2-0:
“Pat Rice opting for his usual silence whilst sitting next to Wenger.”

I wondered what Pat Rice could do to help the team as an assistant coach? Start fighting Wenger or the 4th official?

Bendtner scores. Standard Liege 2-1 Arsenal. The message board detonates with praise for the big Dane. Strood writes:
“Phew. Now get the clowns off.”

Streakers though tries to keep things negative by saying:
“This is painful.”

Satan joins in by positively declaring:
“This is going to be a long hard painful season.”

Pioneer decides that he is worried about Clichy and wants to see if he’s not alone:
“Anyone else a bit worried about Clichy these days?”

“Sell him,” writes Streakers.

When things are bad, The Negatives suddenly crave the English lads to save Arsenal. This is especially true with the Soup Dragon who thoughtfully decalres:
“Still no Wilshere. He must have raped Wenger’s wife or something.”

With score still 2-1, it’s now the captain’s turn for some criticism:
“Let’s hope the over hyped Fabregas fucks off back to Catalunya soon,” comments Neg: From the land of Kim Clitoris.

Arsenal equalize and this causes Hired Goon to write a new song about Clichy:
“Gael Clichy, not better than Asherlee, a fucking liability, hello Gibbsy, Gibbsy.” I don’t think it will hit the charts any time soon.

Eduardo, the anti-Christ to many Negatives tonight, then scores the winner. Arsenal go on to win the match 3-2.

The last word falls to Arse-n-all who summarizes with the intelligent post of:
“We were shit tonight and we won. But I’d rather we played shit and won, than played and lost.”

Intelligence indeed. Next time I’m going to get a friend to text me. This was too much.

Keep it Arsenal


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