Stoke – The Octomom of Football

The first decade of the 21st Century brought us the Bush Administration, the horrific 9/11 attacks, the anthrax scare, Hurricane Katrina, the stock market collapse, and the protracted and painful Iraq and Afghanistan wars – as well as a debilitating two-year recession and high unemployment.

But the first decade of the 21st Century gave us something a lot worse than the above events. It gave EPL fans Stoke City – one of the most disgusting teams to play in the Premiership since the days of Wimbledon.

If Stoke City were a porno, it would star the Octomom giving birth to eight kids and then having sex with a Rory Delap throw-in.

When Stoke City were drawn against Arsenal, they must have punched the air with delight. They love to try and beat a team that plays passing, flowing football with their own style of boots, kicks, flicks, tackles, corners, lofted balls, and headers.

Stoke score goals in the same way that thugs get into a club: by kicking down the back door, rushing through like a pack of animals, and knocking over the bouncer or anyone else who gets in their way.

Who gives a fuck how you get into the club as long as you get in!

Arsenal have never beaten Stoke or even got a draw against them at The Britannia Stadium. On February 27th, Arsenal will need to get three points at Stoke. Every team that wants to be a champion has to play against horrible teams and in horrible weather conditions. Stoke are that team – the new Bolton.

Aston Villa on Wednesday. Not an easy game, especially away. But there is some good news. We will have players back for that game. And by Sunday we should have Diaby, Song, Eboue, and Bendtner back.

What we need is a new goalkeeper. Fabianski is a joke. We now know why Almunia is first choice.

Look at Stoke’s first goal: The ball is thrown in, it arrives in the 6 yard box at chest height, yet Fabianski allows Fuller to beat him to the ball. It was disgusting! I wake up at 5:30 am and drive to Denver to watch a game that kicks-off at 6:30 am. At 6:32 am Arsenal are a goal down and I’m contemplating drinking drain fluid. Fabianski needs to realize how big Arsenal are globally, because I know that there’s a bunch of Gooners in California who watched the game an hour earlier than me.

Wenger needs to sign goalkeeper and fast because we have Laurel and Hardy sharing the No.1 jersey and for a club like Arsenal that’s not a enough. It’s like having the Octomom in charge of health care.

Keep It Arsenal

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22 Comments

  1. did you even watch the game? we played better football than you ffs. and for the record… there is no right or wrong way to play football, at least we don’t dive and cheat like you lot do.

  2. Aw diddums. Did the nasty people beat your team?

    Grow a pair yank.

  3. what a load of fanny, what the PL can do without is moaning plastic supporters like you.
    Didn`t see any thuggery about the second or third goals.
    did you see ricardo fuller get hacked in the the box, yet try to stay on his feet and win the ball.
    could of easliy gone down ,deffo penalty, wonder what fabregas would have done
    when we stuffed you at the brit last year,, was`nt it an arsenal player who got sent off for a cowardly drop kick on our keeper
    wasn`t it an arsenal player who cheated against celtic in the CL falling over like a big girl when no one touched him. you see that, it was fuking embarrasing watch him role around like he`d been poleaxed, and wasn`t every other football fan in the world watching and laughing you excuse for a footy team.
    You are on thin ice here, every english football fan knows arsenal are the biggest bunch of hypocritcal, cheating cowards ever to set foot on a footy pitch
    You got off lightly at the brit this time, roll on tenth of feb

  4. bitter?

    surely all of your world class stars can defend some quite simple tactics.

    oh no, it doesn’t seem they can.

  5. typical american that knows nothing of the beautiful game, the team your local side put out got beat fair and square, there was no cheating, there was no dirty play, we simply play a style that your local team could not beat, if tippy tappy pass it sideways makes your little pecker stir a little then good for you, we play a way designed to beat the so called big four, haha thats the biggest joke, it was men against boys on sunday in more ways than one, second to ever ball and more interested in ensuring that they didnt mess their hair up, prima donnas the lot of them and you can keep them to a man, i support my local team and have done since the day i was born, can you same the same, all your little article does is highlight the attitude shown by the arsenal players on sunday, people like you think you have a devine right to just turn up and leave with a win, well i have news for you, come to stoke with that attitude and you will leave with nothing, the only way to beat a team like mine is to fill your side with men not boys, not mercs interested only in the coin, but men that would die for the team, can you honestly say there is one single player that pulls on the arsenal shirt that would give blood for the cause, would put thier head in when it might get taken off…… no didnt think you could

    stop whinning about the defeat and show some dignity, the better team won on the day and you should be man enough to hold your head up and say, you know what your right, but of course you wont be able to, you will still feel like you have somehow had the game stolen from you, you will follow the party line spouted by wenger and his cohourts and because you know no better you will beleive it to be true

    love us or hate us we know how to beat a team that has no fight and if you hate us for it, well that just makes the victory sweeter.

    i know what the problem is, people like you are jealous of the unity we have at our club, the pride we feel about our club, the passion we have for our club and most of all the love we have for our club that you could never understand

    remember the true mark of a man is how he handles defeat. 😉

  6. What the fuck are you on about youth?

    I’m not sure how long you have been an ….erm……EPL fan, but if you cast your mind back a few years to the late eighties, and George Grahams Arsenal, you will find that your beloved Gooners have done their fair share of “boots, kicks, flicks, tackles, corners, lofted balls, and headers.”

    You got your arses handed to you on a plate on sunday because you were not good enough. Complain all you like about “nasty” Stoke, but I haven’t seen Chelsea or United have too many problems playing against us. You know you were beaten by the better side, and you know you’re going to get exactly the same treatment again in February. You struggle against teams like Stoke and Bolton because we refuse to pander to Mr. Wegers idea of how football should be played, and he knows full well that when it comes to showing some true grit and determination, your beloved Gooners run and hide.

    So you can harp on all you like about Arsenal’s flair, and about your worldwide army of “supporters” but until you learn to respect the way that teams like Stoke play the game, you are completely missing all that is good about the Enlglish game.

  7. Joker! The last time Arsenal were really good was when they had Vieira and Petit in the middle – two lads who were more than happy to put the boot in. Since Vieira left you’ve never replaced him with another battler and the decline has been evident – what have you won since then? Continue to tread the path you’re currently on and it’s not long until mid table mediocrity.

  8. players like you have are ruining the game not like ours with all their diving when the wind changes and then rolling around holding their faces and waving imaginary cards at rhe ref all day. Those actions are the cancer of football. look at Fuller trying to tay on his feet when if he’d of gone down we would of had a pen. We arent dirty we are just committed. As far as i remember football i still a mans game and if venger had is way football would be that soft they could allow women to play into the prem. For 70 minutes you were the worst team ive seen at the Brit this year. Watch it back on the telly and count how many times you fail to trap the ball when its played out to the wing or over hit crosses. Watch how many times it takes you 10 passes just to get out of your own half. Grow up and look a little closer why you keep losing.

  9. You are the prime example of why America just doesn’t get football (sorry, soccer I’ll keep it simple for you idiots). It is about community and belonging to fans in our country. You don’t just pick up a team and move it to the most profitable area, you don’t just give up on your club if they are crap and slide down divisions. It’s “your” team , yes you moan and winge and dream of better things but you never turn your back on them. Stoke were better than Arsenal on sunday , they won the match and even scored two well worked goals that if any of the big four had done everyone would compliment them on. Get a backbone and admit defeat for once , move on and forget about it, I’m sure there will be a new footballing giant who wins something playing ‘slick’ football soon that you can claim is your team!

  10. Poor owd Arsenal you lost cuz, your team can’t pass, tackle or shoot.
    Manchester United beat us by quality passing, finishing and willingness to put a tackle in.
    Chelsea beat us by as you say” kicking the door down” in the closing minutes.
    Thats the difference arsenal are spineless, dirty and cheat. Look at the diving against celtic, gallas foul against bolton and RVP sending off at Stoke last year.
    your manager even brought in cambell to try and beat us, thats desperate buying a player just to take on little owd stoke. Ha Ha.
    You’ll win nothing again this year.

  11. I’d stick to the day job if I were you mate. This writing thing seems to a little beyond you.

  12. Stick to Baseball mate, you clearly know fuck all about football and are too cut up to realise that Stoke were a better football side that day. Its funny how you failed to highlight the passing and skills of Etherington, Sidibe, Fuller, Tuncay and Whitehead, and the tackles on our players. Patrick Viera ring any bells? Thought not. Not to mention our the absolutely rock solid defence. Arsenal were beat by the better team..

    “horrible teams and in horrible weather conditions.”- We controlled the game through skill, willing and team work. But we don’t dictate the weather you muppet, and dont try to blame it on the pitch, which is perfect.

    “Fans” like you epitomes everything that’s wrong with football. You have no connection with the club whatsoever and will jump ship as soon as times get hard.

    Regads
    Mr Red
    Stoke on Trent
    UNITED KINGDOM

  13. People don’t come to watch Fabregas spray the ball around the pitch, they come to watch a game of competitive football. People in this country are sick of the erosion of football as we’re told by all and sundry in the media that we should be happy to watch players like Fabregas, Drogba and Gerrard mess about with the ball. Tackling is bad, diving is good. Stand aside and watch the stars do whatever they like. The real football supporters of this country are sick of this kind of thing. We want proper, competitive football, we want physical, aggressive and hard-but-fair football. We enjoy watching tippy-tappy prima donnas like Arsenal getting taken to non-league teams with muddy pitches and getting kicked half to death before getting beaten. Playing the game the right way does not refer to tippy-tappying the ball on the halfway line like West Brom or Arsenal. To play the game in the right way it to play it fairly, to refuse to cave into the antics that teams like Arsenal employ, to play physically but fairly, to not hold back in the tackle and to focus not on boring the life out of everyone by messing about with the ball on the halfway line. Playing the game the right way is all of this and creating chances. Watching a bunch of overpaid fairies fail to deal with something so rudimentary as a long throw is, believe it or not, more entertaining than 15 minutes on the halfway line and exposes what a sham the Premiership is. It’s very rare in football these days, especially in international or continental football, to have a referee who upholds the spirit of the game and doesn’t cave into the cheats, but today the referee came as close as you really get these days. He was too soft and gave Arsenal far too much, including getting two very critical decisions very wrong, but he did his best against Wenger’s team of shirkers and cowards. The question is this: will this mark a turning point in English football as proper football reclaims the game, or is this one last symbolic victory at the last bastion of real football in this country? One last hurrah in the face of the oncoming storm of diving, dissent, feigning injury and tedious, tedious tippy tappy football.

  14. SAME OLD ARSENAL ALWAYS MOANING!

    we did you you prick now get over it ahahahah

  15. What a cock-knocker.

    Why don’t you spend all your time, energy and dedication supporting the Ney=w York Trannies or whatever they are called in MLS and leave out league to us?

    And it’s the Premier League, that’s it. Like the Bundesliga, or the Primera Liga, or Serie A, it doesn’t need that quaint little moniker you’ve decided to christen it with. Anyone who says “EPL” is automatically labelled a tosspot who knows the sqaure root of bugger all about football. Imagine it as an admission into our little club.

    Now go and get some popcorn and some fried food, i understand that the Indianapolis Metrosexuals are playing the New Orleans Rentboys in the “greatest show on earth”. and leave football to those of us who understand it.

  16. Hahah, yanks talking about football makes me piss.

    “Arsenal have never beaten Stoke or even got a draw against them at The Britannia Stadium. On February 27th, Arsenal will need to get three points at Stoke…”

    ‘You’ve (I use that term loosely) only played us their twice you daft twat, it’s not like ‘you’ve'(again, used loosely) been trying for 30 odd years.

    You were outplayed and outfought and comprehensively beaten.

    PS your column was wank. Poorly written and completely wrong.

    • So nobody is allowed to tackle Arsenal’s prescious ballet dancers?. And Is there really a bad way to score a goal? Spit out your sour grapes and just accept that you have been beaten 2-1 and 3-1 by a ‘proper’ football team backed by the noisiest fans in the Premier League. Stoke have played with honesty, guts and actually a hell of a lot of skill too. We are the second oldest club in football too associated with the likes of Banks and the greatest player in the world, Stanley Matthews. Nearly all our fans live in the area, or have lived in the area and support the team with heart and soul. We have just come up the prem and sorry but we do have to try very hard to get the ball and score goals and this might mean getting up close and physical (and when has this not been part of the game?) Basically you lost twice and it hurts….. why not go support Brazil or someone – team you probably have no real connections with than you do with Arsenal.

  17. Aresenal are not the only team with overseas supporters (or in your case, fans – you probably do not appreciate the difference!). I’ve lived overseas for 10 years and have struggeld to watch or listen to Stoke games, and get Stoke transfer info, at all sorts of unreasonable hours and in strange locations, and spent thousands getting home to watch games on a fairly regular basis – just deal with it, you glory-hunting mardarse.

    In any event, the very fact you call it the EPL, and come from the land of freakish giants bouncing a ball, rounders with lots of stats and rugby for people who don’t want to get hurt negates any views you may have on the game we gave to the world, which is called football and not soccer.

    Jog on, yanky boy.

  18. I saw Garth Crooks and Chris Kamara wearing Stoke tops in a gay porno taking it up the gary. I can’t wait to see you go down with Hull — more northern scum that love it with a bit of ky in the council gritter.

  19. so you read gay porn…says it all you soutern shandy drinking ponce.

  20. Stokiedazza or should I say Stokiehomo. You should watch where you post on the web. Need I say more you dirty bum boy — this is your profile on George Spellwin’s Elite Gay Fitness — http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/members/stokiedazza.html:

    About stokiedazza

    My Profile Headline
    I love hanging out at EliteFitness.com!

    I’m sure you do “love hanging out” and putting on your Stoke top and pumping some homo after an injection of ‘roids. JUST SHUT UP you half incher. You’re a joke – go lick some harry monk you on elite fitness you nonce.

  21. a) look at your login name
    b) how do you know so many gay sites?
    bless now sit down shat up


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